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Calum Esler

While you were studying the blade, Calum was in the editing booth chewing ass and kicking bubble gum. And now he’s choking on both. Some say he watches Vertigo every day before breakfast, and laughs at how bad it is. Rumour has it that he owns a bootleg copy of an unreleased cut of Blade Runner by Ridley Scott’s younger brother, Didley. Word on the street is he can monologue about the Dogma 95 movement non-stop until he next requires sustenance, which he takes in the form of rejection letters from production companies, concerning his R-rated screen adaptation of Chapter 24 of The Order of the Phoenix. Don’t even try to talk smack about Citizen Kane around Calum because he hasn’t seen it. Currently working on his five hour magnum opus based on the book of Deuteronomy.