It truly was a crackin’ party. Crackin’ tunes, crackin’ vibes, crackin’ company and a crackin’… bed. Pre-event, Tom and I discussed, “People jumping on the bed. That’ll be fine. It’s strong. Let the people dance.”


Oh how wrong we were.


I woke up the morning after, ready to clean up the party mess. All the usual stuff was there: smashed glass, sticky spilled drinks, spew in the bathroom, a lone shrimp, and a lingering stench. Tom and I are seasoned spew-cleaners; this is standard practice.


What we were not prepared for was… The Bed™. Smashed. Destroyed. Obliterated. Beyond repair. “Oh no,” we chorused in despair. Visions of pre-Christmas landlord inspections haunted our Sunday, bringing us to our hellish conclusion: fuck, we’re going to have to buy a new bed.



Onto the Dunelm website we went, trawling the ‘wooden double bed frame, express delivery’ section, screaming in horror at the unadulterated audacity of charging FOUR HUNDRED POUNDS for some thrown together cheap trees that BREAK from some simple joyous BOUNCING. The cheek, the gall.


After my mild “holy shit, being an adult is expensive, please can I turn around and refund my ageing ticket” crisis, we sucked it up and pressed ‘pay now’. Tears literally streamed as we authorised a payment of £180 to Dunelm (Soft Furnishings) Ltd.


Suddenly, we are blessed by the greatest brainwave of Tom’s life. “Hey, why don’t we crowdfund to cover the costs of the bed?” he mused, half joking, probably. That was it! We’re saved! I’ll be able to eat next week! No, surely it’ll never work. People don’t like us that much. People won’t pity us enough to pay for a bed broken as a direct result of our own stupidity. While my shoulder angel and devil yelled at each other and generally at me, I took to gofundme.


The campaign caption read “hey you guys jumped on our bed so much and we loved ur energy but now it is completely smashed up and we have to buy a new one. turns out beds are expensive and it’s costing nearly £200. if u have some money pls consider sparing us a fiver to help towards the cost. if everyone who came donated 5 pound we will be able to eat over the xmas period. many thanks and pls pls pls do try n help we r so sad n poor”, with an attached picture of the disastrous remains of the bed. A truly trash caption; can you tell we had very little hope?


Against all odds, and with a LOT of Facebook sharing, the money began flowing in. Some people donated as much as £25, and within 5 hours we had 16 donations bringing us up to £130. I am truly amazed by the generosity of our friends, and hopefully we can find the remaining £50 to reach our goal. Viva la coop fun. Viva la new bed. Viva la please donate to our gofundme at Thanks.