2020 has been relentless. Many of its hotly debated topics, scandals and events have transpired as a result of Covid-19 and the various national responses to it. The U.K. government has been widely criticised for (deep breath) its failure to procure adequate amounts of personal protective equipment (PPE) for NHS staff members; its mixed messaging with regards to public health; its tardiness in bringing in lockdown; its decision to prematurely lift lockdown restrictions against the advice of its own scientific advisors; the hypocrisy of Dominic Cummings (more on this later); the decision to increase the surcharge paid by foreign NHS workers (quickly reversed after backlash); the unexplained absences of Prime Minister Boris Johnson; Health Secretary Matt Hancock telling Dr Rosena Allin-Khan MP to watch her ‘tone’; Home Secretary Priti Patel; failure to protect care homes and their elderly residents and so, so much more. That was about eight lines. It was also only a brief summary of the litany of errors the government has been credibly accused of making.  As a U.K. resident, watching the year unfold has been like witnessing a car crash or train wreck in agonisingly slow motion. Many people spotted the danger and cried out, but those in charge either did not listen or actively believed they knew better. The issues seemed ever more important and urgent, only to be supplanted by something even more concerning within a matter of days or weeks. It was vital the people in charge acted decisively and in the best interests of the public. They did not. With the U.K. death toll currently estimated to be 40,542, it seems no such gravity was felt by government officials until it was far too late.

And so we come to the one news story I have not been able to forget about this year: the Dominic Cummings scandal. No, not the one about him hiring an alleged eugenicist. No, not his bizarre wardrobe choices. No, not the one where The Sunday Times reported his blasé endorsement of herd immunity and the subsequent death of ‘some pensioners, too bad’ (Mr Cummings denies he said this). I am, of course, referring to his most recent controversy, which arose after The Guardian and The Daily Mirror revealed he had broken lockdown rules by travelling to Durham. County Durham is notable for many reasons, including its prestigious university. It also just so happens to be a five-hour drive away from London, where Mr Cummings lives and, as implied by an article written by commissioning editor of the Spectator Mary Wakefield, supposedly was. Ms Wakefield also happens to be Mr Cummings’ wife, yet her account of their experience in lockdown made no reference to the great drive north. That this trip occurred during lockdown when the public were only supposed to leave the house for strictly necessary reasons has been concretely established by many commentators and does not need to be dwelled upon. What happened next is so much funnier, anyway.

And so, we come to the now infamous press conference, the main event of the whole show. ‘Weighing in at whatever the weight of a load of hot air is, from London, Islington (and Barnard Castle, Durham) … Dominic “Take Back Control” Cummings’. That would have been a fun way to begin, but reality is often disappointing. Instead, Mr Cummings arrived half an hour late, dressed semi-respectably but with no actual excuse for keeping everyone waiting. I personally enjoy imagining him getting lost on the way there, accidentally taking a detour through a Narnia-esque cupboard and emerging looking vaguely presentable. Just imagine the adventures he may have had; perhaps, like the children in C. S. Lewis’ book he became a just and fair ruler, growing old, getting Brexit done and succeeding in his righteous ambition of *checks notes* making Britain the world’s first country to impose economic sanctions on itself by splitting up from our biggest trading partner. The sad truth is he was probably having his statement checked by the lawyers and my goodness did it need several more second looks. Mr Cummings spent much of the conference feigning innocence, blaming the furore he had engendered on media misinformation. Given that by far the least honest account of his whereabouts appears to have been written by his wife, I would suggest to Mr Cummings that a BBC One special report is probably not the ideal place to air marital grievances, but that is merely my opinion.  He then explained his trip to Barnard Castle as a test of his eyesight. You cannot see it, but I am internally screaming.

The absurdity of this likely reverse-engineered explanation has rightly been highlighted by many of Mr Cummings’ critics, but please indulge me a moment. Oh my god. Oh my actual god, this was genuinely offered by the government’s top advisor as a credible explanation for his blatant breaking of the rules he helped create. I remain genuinely stunned, weeks later, that this was the best they could come up with. It would have been so much easier to just apologise for this part of the trip, if not the actual drive to Durham. But no, Mr Cummings could not back down, and thus offered the absurd explanation that, being in doubt, he checked his possibly faulty eyesight by going driving. That’s illegal, if anyone is keeping score. I almost applaud the fact he said it without bursting out laughing. This is meant to be the government’s maverick genius, the man who understands the British people better than those metropolitan liberal elites. (Most of whom, last time I checked, did not have a father-in-law that owned a castle but that probably isn’t important). I wonder if this is truly the future of medical care; after all conservatives often suggest the NHS is in dire need of substantial reform. ‘Doctor, his heart is flatlining. We need to move him to the ICU’ ‘Don’t bother with that Nurse. Get him straight in the Ferrari. That’ll get the blood pumping nice and quickly’. Maybe they can use limos for physiotherapy, what with all the leg space. We already use Porsches to diagnose mid-life crises in men, so it’s not as if medical use of cars is unprecedented.

The thing that irks me most is the arrogance. The fact that they thought this explanation was good enough. That they really think so little of us. While this government lying and obfuscating the truth is no great surprise, the naked elitism on display here is profoundly offensive. Mr Cummings refusal to resign is to be expected, but no less wrong or arrogant.  But perhaps we should take comfort from this scandal, odd though it may sound. After all, it has robbed Mr Cummings of some of his carefully cultivated mystique. He is not some invincible genius or true ‘man of the people’. He is simply an opportunist, albeit an effective one. Here’s hoping this unelected, unaccountable bureaucrat fails to damage the country any more than he already has. Given that people have already excused their own breaking of lockdown regulations by referring to Mr Cummings, I am regrettably not optimistic.